My Duality

In Uncategorized on January 18, 2011 at 10:34 am

I have issues. Seriously, and l know everyone has issues,but l don’t have to deal with other peoples crap, just mine. And the thing l have to struggle with everyday is right down in the core of who l am. In fact, that’s the jist of the thing right there , who am I, or more correctly who do l want to be.

See, I suffer from what I will call the ,” would be cool” syndrome. For example, I was watching Tv the other day and something about Astronaut came on and I said to my wife ,” that would be cool, I could do that.”

Appropriately, she rolled her eyes. She knows very well that I cannot be an astronaut. My eyes are horrible, I have a heart condition, I’m 34, and frankly I don’t take orders well. Especially when I think they are wrong. Which would be often I’m guessing.

See, the thing is deep down I truly believe that if I applied Myself I could do it. My belief in myself is one of my biggest assets, but also one of my biggest issues too. I mean if I can do anything what one thing do I focus on?

Truthfuly this has held me back in my life. Which ”guy” do I want to commit to being? What if I choose wrong? What if I fail?

But how does this affect me on an everyday basis? Because everyday I come here to this office and I think two things. One, there has to be something better than this. And two I am very good at what I do ,secretly enjoy the job,and frankly could go very high in the company if I applied myself. But is that what I want? Is that The guy I want to be?

Can I swallow my “damn the man” attitude enough to be a business person?

I have no idea. But time is finite and I have been frozen in place too long. I’m picking a road an heading for whatever awaits me at the end.

I hope I pick right!


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